Monday, November 3, 2008

I Feel More "Me" When I'm Stoned


It was frosh week, and I had thought, coming into university, that everyone would be drinking. They were. So did I, but not so much because others were doing it. I thought that me in real life was boring. And everyone would tell me how much fun I was when I was drinking. So I drank to become 'more fun'... and I have to admit, like the poster of this secret, that I think I am more 'me' when I'm drunk.

The walls slip away, and all the social norms I learned at any point in my life suddenly seem very silly. All the inhibitions disappear. And so I say what I want, do as I wish, and then I'm having fun just like a kid. I voice my concerns, I apologize to others what I was never able to say while sober, and never hurt others during my intoxication. Hours later, reality kicks in and I become the quiet, serious, inhibited 'me'. But this is not 'me' at all. In my mind, I am a completely different person. And I drink rarely... I remain inside where I am chained and locked up by my own fears and restrictions.

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